Today is the first day I have done a devotion for a long time. I’ll tell you why I haven’t written one for ages…for the last year I’ve been going through separation and now divorce. For the most part, I’ve been through utter turmoil within that marriage. It was literally hell on earth and felt I had no escape. On the outside it looked ok – you know, all the Facebook photos. But within our four walls our marriage was crumbling.
So I haven’t felt worthy to write about Him, and haven’t even attended church for most of that time. Even now I am struggling going to church because of how people view me, or how I perceive that they view me. Either way, it’s been a struggle, and if you’ve never been there, you don’t know what it’s like.
God forbid anyone go through anything like this, but I have good news from one who’s gone through it and is coming out the other side now…there’s hope in Jesus. There’s a future in Christ. I have come to the conclusion that though yes God hates divorce, that He does in no way hate ME. I am STILL His child, I am STILL His son. I may have been a prodigal, but I’m coming home, I’m on my way back and on Sunday morning I felt a stirring in my heart, one that I haven’t felt for so long, but I heard Him say this one thing when I was listening to His Word…He simply said this…“Your suffering is over.” The very next day I find out that my ex signed the divorce papers that day, on the Sunday that God spoke to me.
How on earth can God speak to me when I’m getting divorced? Isn’t it a sin??? I guess He’s more forgiving than people are, that’s for sure. He has a lot of grace people don’t have, and sees BOTH sides of the story that man certainly doesn’t see – or man may at times see parts of both but chooses to side with one. God is not a man that He should act in this manner, biased toward one or the other. He is just and fair and merciful to all.
It truly was a burden lifted off my shoulders. All the things I went through for the last 6 years had driven me to contemplate suicide on a few occasions…except I thought of no way that would be painless, so I decided against that lol…but only the Lord knows what I went through. While I felt man has misjudged me, I must realise they are only human. God still actually loves and cares for me. That was what I realised on Sunday, that He is there no matter what.
You know it’s terrible to think, but sometimes I think that those who have simply misjudged me and have said ignorant things to me, and some even hurtful things – I sometimes wish that they would get a piece of what I went through too. I imagined that their marriage would break apart and people would start treating them differently too…oh how bad is it to think it!!! But the concept is true! In reality I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy but how I wish people had God’s compassion, especially those who say they are His children! I see people raising their hands in church, crying out to Him in the public meetings but then I see the very same people treating others like they’re the sons of Satan himself. “Sinner!” they cry! Jumping to wrongful conclusions. This is Pharisaical! Is it any wonder why I cannot decide what church to go to anymore, when I see behaviours like this?
When the woman with the issue of blood came to Jesus, she came out of desperation from a great need in her life. She came with faith that if she only touched the hem of Jesus’ garments, she would indeed be healed. So she touched Jesus, felt the very power of God flow into her from Him, and she felt within herself that she was healed. Jesus could have rebuked her for touching Him without His permission – if He was that stuck up like the Pharisees. But He didn’t…He said “Your faith has made you well. You’re suffering is over.” This phrase stuck out to me when I was listening to it on Sunday morning and I immediately thought of my situation and really felt like God was setting me free from my past marriage and telling me that He truly understands what I went through and that He will never leave me nor forsake me. Yes, I got all that out of one phrase in a split moment of time that left me in awe of God’s grace!
I guess I would just like to say there is still hope for the person who is divorced or going through one now. It really isn’t the end of your life, but can be a significant new beginning. I now have a sweet loving girlfriend from the Philippines, and I’ve honestly never felt more blessed ever. Today we celebrate the first 6 months of our relationship together…in the Philippines many couples actually celebrate their relationship every month, calling them “monthsaries.” I thought it was a joke at first, but I’ve gotten on board with it! Filipinos are family oriented and truly value their relationships above anything else. So keeping your relationship alive by celebrating it every month makes sense. Our special day every month is the 25th, because on August 25th, 2015, Juvy and I became exclusive to each other alone.
Now all my suffering I endured is in the past. The future looks brighter everyday …thankyou Jesus!
So today isn’t exactly a devotion but a glimpse of my life story up to this point. But you can meditate on the story of the woman with the issue of blood found in Mark 5:21–43, Matthew 9:18–26, Luke 8:40–56. Apply it to your situation…